


The Man I Once Knew

by orphan_account



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There had to be a touch before the walls they'd built between each other could come crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man I Once Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy VII universe and characters are owned by Square Enix. I make no profit from this fanfiction.

Along with the heavy feet pounding down the stairs, Cloud heard the, “get to sleep now,” for the third time that night.  Perhaps Barret hoped the ‘I’m done arguing with you and I’m leaving now’ approach would work.  And it appeared to since Cloud couldn’t hear any more of Marlene’s persistent, protesting, but nonetheless drowsy voice.

Cloud watched the other man come into view then laid his head back on the armrest of the couch.  If the other man felt anything near what he felt, neither of them would be in much of a mood for conversion.

Only two years after the destruction of MIdgar, Edge was in shambles itself, but with everyone’s hard work, just a few months later, the place had begun to retake the shape of its old recycled self.  That was a good thing since Cloud had begun to feel that old restlessness that had first urged him to become a member of SOLDIER, and had made a job as a courier seem like such a good idea.  It wasn’t all just the guilt that drove him.  It was also some built in need to do something, to experience new things, to aspire.

He wished his place at home with Tifa, Marlene, Denzel, and Barret was enough.  But it wasn’t.  Cloud frowned underneath his rubbing hands.  Hell, maybe he was just stir-crazy.  Or just frustrated for reasons he didn't want to think about, not with the gunman so close.

Barret collapsed into the chair next to the couch, groaning through the motion.  His boots slammed onto the top of the coffee table.  Cloud could hear him shifting, trying to find a comfortable position, and tired not to let the sounds get to him.  It wasn’t that the sounds annoyed him so much.  Rather, they kept reminding him of who was so near him.

Ever since he’d first met the gunman, he couldn’t help but be aware of him.  The man was loud, often obnoxious, but also flooded emotion with even the simplest of actions.  The amount of emotion contained in the man’s muscular body had always amazed him.  Barret had gone through as much hell as he had, well, as much hell as he could actually remember going through.  But unlike Cloud, his friend had no problem letting the world knew how fucking pissed off, scared, grateful, and happy he was.

More than once, he’d realized how envious he was that Barret allowed himself to feel things Cloud only tried to block out in himself.  But Cloud had been getting better at letting himself feel.  At least, he hoped he was.

“Yo, Cloud, you headin’ out later?  Sounded like a good idea before, but now I’m thinkin’ I may just pass out instead.”

Cloud smiled underneath his hands and finally pulled them away from his face, resting them on his stomach.  “Yeah, I know how you feel.  Hell, we don’t need to go out to some fancy restaurant to drink.  Plenty of alcohol here to last us a year.”

Barret snorted.  “Speak for yourself.  But yeah, I guess we could just stay here and, what?  Enjoy each other’s company?”

The swordsman let out a short laugh at the idea.  He remembered the last time they’d tried to spend an evening together.  Over two years before, it’d been awkward and the only thing Barret had done was complain.  And wish he’d been with someone else, although Cloud couldn’t blame the man for wanting to have Marlene there when she surely would have loved the experience.  The, well, ‘date’ had been Barret’s idea and that’s what had made the whole uncomfortable ordeal so confusing, especially when he’d felt an absurd pleasure at Barret’s forwardness.  Barret had done something he never could have found the guts to do himself.  And all the other man had done was complain.

Despite himself, he sighed and closed his eyes.

“What?”

“Huh?”  Cloud looked at the man before him, just a short distance away.  “Uh, nothing…”

“I ever tell you, I hate that shit?”

Cloud huffed a laugh and reclosed his eyes and rested his head back again.  “Yeah.”

For several quiet minutes, the swordsman could hear footsteps above them, Tifa getting ready for a night out on the town with others from their small group of friends, as well as new ones.  He realized then how quiet Barret had become.  Blue eyes cracked open, just slightly, and he somehow managed to not react when he realized Barret was staring right at him.  The man’s expression was serious, as if he was trying to figure something out.  Perhaps he was merely looking in his direction but, with the gunman’s furrowed brow pointed right at his face, he doubted it.

Then again, it was a bit absurd to think the man was taking more than a passing consideration of him.  After all, Barret had been married before, had shown no real interest in other men, well, anyone for that matter, and besides that one night, had barely shown any interest in him, at least not romantic interest.

He closed his eyes completely and let his friend stare, if that was what he wanted to do.  He had no real objection to it.  In fact, it made his insides twist in a way that bordered on enjoyable.  But nonetheless running away from the feelings, he forced his breathing, his body to relax.

After a couple more minutes, he heard Barret stand up and walk over to him.  Suddenly, keeping still became extremely difficult to pull off effectively, but he thought he’d managed it, was sure he had when Barret said a quiet, “Cloud?”

The moment stretched.  Cloud, confusing himself to no end, refused to allow himself to move.  Their quietness, closeness put him on edge.  He didn’t want this contact - although it wasn’t true contact - to end as abruptly as it’d started.

Then, he felt fingers at his cheek, rough ones that nonetheless held an awesome heat.  He couldn’t stop his eyes from flashing open.  Barret instantly stopped and then, a moment later, ripped his hand away as if he’d forgotten where he’d put it.

“Sorry, I, ah…”  He stepped back, his legs banging against the coffee table, effectively stopping his sudden retreat.  The man was the picture of surprise that quickly melted into anger, or perhaps, frustration.  “I think I’ll just head up to bed.”

Cloud started to sit up, propping himself up on his elbows, unconvinced of what he knew had just happened.  “Yeah, okay...”

“Yeah, ‘kay, g’night.”  The man turned, walking away slowly, but the steps sped up until he was more or less charging up the stairs.  Cloud heard a door slam shut, jolting a bit at the sound.

In all of his years, all of the battles he’d fought, with everything he’d confronted, dealt with, and overcome, this was the one thing he’d never been able to come to terms with:  the way he felt about Barret.  And now, he found himself as confused as ever.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Cloud woke up to aching muscles and a sore neck.  He hadn’t meant to go to sleep on the couch, but had been unable to move after Barret had touched him.  He’d been too lost in thought and inaction to bother moving to his own bed before sleep had claimed him.  Now, he was regretting it.  Surely he could have thought things out where he would have been more comfortable.

Sighing, he stood up and worked the tenderness out of his body with a few stretches.  But now that he remembered why he’d been on the couch all night in the first place, he couldn’t stop his mind from dwelling on Barret.

Bustling drifted from the kitchen and he grasped onto the distraction, thankful.   After another long back stretch, he walked to the kitchen and into chaos.

The mornings were never quiet, especially not in a household of five, sometimes more, people.  Tifa, Marlene, Denzel, and Barret all helped make breakfast and set the table.  Cloud watched them for a while, admiring their purpose in and enthusiasm for such a common activity, keeping himself distracted from Barret’s hands at the same time as the man chopped up an onion.

Suddenly, Marlene was handing him some silverware.  “Could you put these on the table?”

“Sure,” he said with a smile before he looked back up and saw Barret staring at him, his expression cold.  His smile dripped away.  Had he overstepped his boundaries, ones that weren’t there the day before?  Then the gunman was back at the vegetable, practically slaughtering the poor thing.  Cloud’s newfound frown didn’t leave as he quietly placed the silverware on the table.

He knew he should have confronted Barret, but the other man didn’t normally close off into himself, and Cloud didn’t know how to deal with it.  Not to mention, the gunman had an explosive personality and he didn’t want to set it off, especially not before breakfast.

Nonetheless, the sudden distance his friend was putting between them got his pulse racing.  He didn’t like this feeling, had spent so much time trying to not feel this way.  He’d felt inadequate, angry, remorseful for far too long.  He especially didn’t want to feel this way in regards to Barret, one of his few true friends.

When they finally sat down, the table in general seemed to be enjoying the morning.  He let the infectious attitude carry him away from his troubles.  After all, Barret seemed to be enjoying the conversation as well.

“Do you remember that flower you gave me, Cloud?  The one you bought from Aeris?”  Marlene had a huge smile on her face, one Cloud couldn’t help but return.

“Yeah, I remember.”  He also remembered the way Barret had looked at him, the soft way he’d spoken, when he’d done it.

“Well, I’ve decided to sell my own flowers, the ones I’ve grown from the seeds we gathered from Aeris’ garden.”

“That’s a great idea, Marlene,” Tifa purred after she swallowed a bite of her omelet.  “The world could always use some more beauty in it.”

“Yeah, and Denzel said he’d help me.”  She beamed at her friend, making him blush and look at his plate. 

“Yeah, that’s great, sweetie.  You wanna cart to sell from?”  Barret lifted up his hands, as if he was picturing the dimensions of it.  “Like the one Aeris had?”

“Yeah!”  The girl loved having her father home.  It didn’t matter that he was a surrogate one.  Barret has always tried to make sure she was happy and content, even if he left her occasionally in someone else’s care.

“’Kay, I’ll start workin’ on it today.”  Barret grinned at her enthusiasm and smile, which only grew with his words.

When the group finished breakfast, Cloud helped removed the dishes and started washing them in the double sectioned sink.  Less than a minute later, Barret was by his side, rinsing off the dishes as Cloud scrubbed.  At first, the man’s closeness made him tense, but eventually the commonness of the activity lulled him into a trance-like state.  The other man seemed calm as well, and merely quietly assisted him towards the common goal of cleanliness.

That was, until the other three left them alone to get ready for another day of trying to bring Edge back to its former glory.

“So…  You wanna help me make that cart?”

Cloud stopped for a moment and looked up at the gunman, trying to figure out the other man’s mood and intentions at including him.  Barret kept to the task at hand, ignoring his blatant stare.  The other man unreadable, he let a small smile slip to lighten his own renewed anxiety. 

“Yeah, of course.”

Maybe the small gesture would help keep Aeris’ memory alive in the hearts of Edge’s populace.  His own heart would never forget her.

“Great, let me finish this up.  Maybe you can scrounge some supplies up in the garage?  There should be enough spare wood and junk in there.  I’ll get there in a bit.”  Not giving him much choice, Barret seemed to grow in size as the man worked him out of the space.

Cloud wiped his hands on his pants.  “Yeah, sure.  Maybe I’ll take a quick shower first.”

Barret said no more than a grunt, so he left and started up the stairs which could be seen from the kitchen.  It was then that he finally caught Barret watching.  Cloud’s stomach twisted all over again because the man’s dark eyes held so much more than common indifference.  He almost stopped his ascent but, when the gunman returned to his task, he continued to his bedroom to grab a change of clothes, to the bathroom, into the shower to scrub off grim that should have been washed off the day before, and finally out of the shower, putting on his selected t-shirt and jeans.

When he finally entered the garage, Barret was already in there rummaging around for wood, paint, and other materials they could use to make a cart a girl wouldn’t be embarrassed to push around.  He followed Barret’s simple directions, grabbing what the other man wanted. 

When they’d gotten a decent amount of supplies together, he put Cloud to work on the bench saw.  The swordsman followed the other man’s specifications.  He’d never seen himself a carpenter, but he could still take directions and follow them.

They’d found three of the same wheels.  Cloud ended up on task of recreating the fourth, as Barret started steaming and weaving together sheets of wood.

Outside of the fact he was out of his comfort zone, Cloud found himself enjoying the simplicity of sawing and putting together pieces of wood so that they created something new, something useful.  It wasn’t until he’d caught Barret looking at him once again that he realized he’d been humming absentmindedly.

Barret grinned at him, the first grin he’d given him all day.  “Hey, don’t go stoppin’ on my account.”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help his responsive grin.  “The last thing the world needs is me singing.”

“My ears aren’t bleedin’ yet.”

“Not yet.”  But, now that he’d been caught, he couldn’t bring himself to restart.  So they continued working in silence. 

Inspecting his newly crafted wheel, he heard Barret walking up behind him and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the man peer over his shoulder.

“Lookin’ good, Spikey.  We’ll have this thing built in no time.”

Any other man would have moved at that point.  But when Barret didn’t, Cloud turned his head and looked up at him.  The motion spurred the other man into action and he stepped back.  Cloud turned around on his spinning chair and said, “Barret,” before the man could walk away again. 

Being seated made the older man just that much taller, but Barret’s height, nor width had ever phased him.  Yeah, he knew the man was large.  The fact was impossible to miss.  But he had enough Jenova and Mako infused into his body that the other man’s size couldn’t make a difference, outside of a mental one. 

Nonetheless, with the other man staring down at him, his heart picked up its pace once again and he almost regretted turning around.  He didn’t know if he should be feeling such things towards his friend, not when the other man was so stern at them keeping distance, no matter how many times Barret had threatened to drag his ass along, along with similar threats.  In the beginning, yeah, Barret would have had to threaten him, but now…

The other man turned his head away, his dark eyes looking towards the floor.  Then his eyes squeezed shut and his blew out a breath.  “Look, I’m sorry 'bout last night.  I didn’t mean to…”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know…”  Barret met his eyes again and swung up his hand, palm side up, pointing it towards Cloud’s face.  “When I touched you.”

Cloud shook his head and opened his mouth.

“Look, I won’t do it again.  I just…”

“Barret…”  Cloud hated the fact that he was blushing, but couldn’t help it.  Anyone else, and he could have shrugged it off, kept the distance, known that the other person would only be his friend, and would be happy with that, happy with knowing them, and enjoy, as much as he could, being around them.

But with this man, just being around him had never been enough, not after he’d gotten to know him and his passion, however misplaced it occasionally was.  After all, usually his passion was right on target.  The man’s passion enthralled him, made him want more.  If he could just explain that to Barret without sounding like a madman…  Then again, would the older man even care about the confession?

He bit his bottom lip, rubbing his hands together.  The older man took the opportunity to take another step back and start to turn around. 

Cloud stood up and grabbed his friend’s forearm.  That stopped the man dead in his tracks.  He turned his head to look down at him.  Again, Cloud bit his lip, but then murmured truthfully, “Barret…  I want you to touch me.”

Barret blinked at him, clearly digesting what had just been said.  His mouth opened as he started to shake his head, but no words came out.  His mechanical hand came up and hovered near the younger man’s face, making Cloud hold his breath, which was difficult with the pounding in his chest.

Finally, with small gears turning, the man let his hand slide into blonde hair, cupping the back of his head.  Cloud couldn’t hold back his breath any longer, it coming out in short gulps.

“You have no idea how much I wanna touch you.”

Despite himself, a small smile formed.  “You already are.”

“Yeah…”

Hesitantly, Cloud shifted in front of the other man, sliding his hand up an arm and his other hand over the man’s chest.  Under his hand, he felt the movement and rhythm of hard muscle.  He swore he could even feel the man’s heartbeat.

“Cloud, you sure about this?  I don’t wanna…”

The hand on Barret’s shoulder shifted under long braids and gripped the man’s neck.  With the grip, he body was forced into a closeness he never thought he’d experience with this man.  Despite everything his mind and body had been through, he was pretty sure he was close to passing out or something similarly stupid.  It just felt too damn good.

The first one to break the stalemate, Barret’s mouth was suddenly on his own, kissing him deeply, seemingly to try to take what Barret believed was his.  And he had been Barret’s for years.  The other man just hadn’t known it, perhaps refused to believe it.  Nor had Cloud understood, nor allowed himself to acknowledge that Barret might be his.

Barret grabbed where Cloud’s legs met his ass and pulled him up so that he straddled the larger man briefly then sat him none too gently on the table.  He kept his hands there, grinding their groins together, bringing both men to moan into each other’s mouths.

They rode each other until they realized they only wanted more.

Pulling away, Barret groaned, “I really wanna take you up to my room right now.”

Cloud grinned at the words.  “As if I ever would have stopped you.”

Barret groaned anew at the words.  “You shoulda told me that.”

“I should have…  But before…  I’m not the same person anymore.” 

The gunman’s mouth was on his own again, licking, biting, before he pulled the younger man’s legs back up and Cloud wrapped them around his waist as the other man headed to the door to make good on his word. 

“Thank god neither of us are.  Don’t know how much more I coulda taken.”

Cloud grinned at the words, kissing the man’s neck as they headed upstairs. And thank goodness it would still be hours before anyone came home, since he doubted either of them would be able to contain their voices.


End file.
